Life... Experiences

It has been a very long time since I posted on THIS blog.  I have had other blogs but I don’t think it truly let’s people get to know me, the real me.  I’ve let things and people define me for the past two and a half years of my life.  What a sad reality to live in.  I haven’t been focused on God since early 2010, I was more so focused on a boy trying to be a man.  I have been focused on a disease that has pretty much consumed my life. I was so focused on joining a sorority, that I began to let the fact that I wasn’t a member of it define me. I HAVE NOT BEEN FOCUSED.  I mean, I was focused on snapshots of what my life could be but not the whole picture of how beautiful life is.  Small things do matter but when you can’t realize that one small pixel won’t ruin a photo, then you are twisted.  I am happy that I have realized this before my life just wasted away and I became an old, bitter woman. 

This is the hard part though…  I am trying to get back to the Brittanie-Claire that I was pre-2010 but she is gone.  That blows my mind.  Some decisions you make will always stay with you.  For some people, they have a kid by a man that didn’t care about them but for me, mine is so much more mental.  So much hurt in two years!  I didn’t know it was possible but, my people, it is!  I can’t just be the carefree Brittanie-Claire that I was because I now have these experiences and memories that will always stay with me but I can be the new and improved Brittanie-Claire.  I’ve learned so much in the past two years but I truly want my innocence back. 

Recently, I saw my ex-boyfriend from 2007-2009 and so much of me has changed since then, that I had no idea where to even start the conversation.  He said that I was “distant.”  I’ve matured.  Yeck!  I never wanted to mature.  I have so much wisdom now, that I believe was always there but I never tapped into it. Y’all life is a beast. 

I’ll continue this later but know that I love you all!