FAT!

I sat here for about 20 secs and thought about what I would name this post.  I thought about weight, a journey and then FAT popped into my mind.  As I was getting ready today, Unsung on TVOne was featuring The Fat Boys.   To my mother's surprise, I had never heard of them before today but what shocked me was how they made being a FAT rapper popular.  In the television show, they spoke about how The Fat Boys paved the way for artists such as The Notorious B.I.G.

Today, as I ate my chicken [yeah, I am a struggling vegetarian] biscuit from Martin's, grabbed an ice cream from Sam's Club, cooked stuffed salmon and spinach for dinner and watched Extreme Makeover: Weight Loss Edition, I pondered the thought of actually reaching my goal of being smaller.  Honestly, how would I deal with it?  My whole day was focused around food and having a chronic illness that deals with how my body digests food, I can't help but to think about it.

So, let me put myself out here.  

 

                      

                               



I was a very small child until about the age of 7.  When I was 7, a family friend named Ms. Mary Chester died from breast cancer.  She had so much faith that God would heal her that she didn't see a healing could come through God but from a doctor.  It took a serious toll on me mentally, emotionally and physically.  I don't think anyone truly realizes that this was a pivotal moment when I began to gain weight.  But as I look back, it started then and it got worse when my mother figured out I was gaining weight.  She was on me like a drill sergeant about losing weight. I never did.  I wasn't even the kid that lost 10 lbs and then gained it back- I just kept gaining.  Then at the age of 9, I started my period.  Jesus, take the wheel.  I definitely started gaining more weight but it started to sit on my body awkwardly.  I was bullied.  I can't even go into that anymore because just writing that phrase brought me to tears.  I was bullied from the age of 8 until the age of 14.  I truly thank God for my sister because kids were so cruel to me in middle school and they had no idea I had a sister in high school at the time.  My first day of high school I wore my Scream Tour T-Shirt, jeans and K-Swiss.  I had asked, well begged, my sister to style my hair the way that high schoolers wore their hair, so I had my hair in the wrap hair style.  I looked just like my sister that morning, just a little bigger, but pretty much the same.  I walked into freshman homeroom very nervous because I wanted to be liked but I already knew the obstacles that faced me, I was overweight, nice, and smart.  As I walked into the classroom, a girl who now has 3 kids with no husband, made a snide comment, saying "Well I've seen beauty and in walks the beast."  I felt so defeated- ON THE FIRST DAY!  I made it to the 3rd floor in time for my Latin class and bumped into my sister.  All her upperclass friends commented on how cute I was and how it was cute that we matched.  I then told her what had happened.  Well, my honor student sister cursed those girls to hell and back.  The girls were in such shock because they had been picking on my for two years and had no idea that when I got to high school, my cool sister would be there.  After a few encounters with my sister, the girls stopped bothering me and I became popular in my own right. Even after I had my own circle of friends, my mother would say things to me like, "If you lost weight, you would probably have more friends."  -__-  Now, I know she meant NO HARM but it definitely didn't help with me wanting to lose weight.

The biggest problem was that now I was used to my weight.  Of course I wanted to lose it but seriously, how was I going to do that?  I mean I've already tried Atkins, Weight Watchers and every other one in the book, what would help me?  I started joining different clubs and did volunteer work on the weekends, I was the ideal highschooler- at least in my mind.  So I gained about 30 lbs in high school but don't get me wrong, I was fly.  College came- by the way, I am STILL in college- and I gained about 20 more pounds but I am cute!  My clothes are nice, my hair is flawless and my makeup is on point; I'm just overweight.

I have had an illness that wasn't diagnosed for most of my colliegate career called Crohn's Disease.  One of the most prevalent symptoms in Crohn's is drastic weight loss- I didn't get that symptom.  Instead, I got the symptom of weight gain.  So now, I feel like I am STUCK between a rock and a hard place but I have so much faith in God, that I will get this weight off.

My whole life, I've felt like there have been three different opinions on my weight.

1. My mother:  She always wanted me to lose the weight.  She was always concerned about my weight. She was always pushing me to lose weight.
2. My father:  He always let me eat.  We ate McDonalds, we loved TastyKakes and don't get me started on Philly Cheesesteaks.
3. My sister:  She always seemed to work out, one way or another.  She would say things like, "Brittanie, we need to work out," or "Brittanie, will you go on a diet with me because I want to tone up."  Once, she even came out and said that she was scared because if something happened to me, it just left her- We All We Got!

But now, I'm focused on the one opinion of my weight and ultimately, my health, that matters- MINE!

Let's call a spade, a spade.  I am FAT but really fly.  I would prefer to be at a healthy weight and still fly.  Oh trust, the flyness is not going anywhere but the weight will.